Stress: Simpler is better
Consider two definitions of stress:
OR:
While the first of these may be more technically accurate, the second is perhaps the more useful tool in our day to day lives. In addition to not stressing us out simply in trying to understand it, the second definition helps us see the singular root of stress: believing that there is something wrong with our present reality. Stress then is the body’s response as it readies us to “take on” the process of moving from our current reality to the desired future. In cases where there is a very real threat to our safety, of course this stress is very useful. But, in situations where there is no such threat (as is the case for most of the stress we experience today) it more often leads to fruitless distress.
If we can begin to understand that stress is a function of comparing our present circumstances to an idealized alternative—and not just a physiological process over which we have little control—we can begin to see all of the ways in which unnecessary stress is a part of modern living. We might begin to see how, despite the fact that while most of us have sufficient food, clothing, shelter, and other necessities, the majority of us experience chronic levels of moderate stress (APA, 2011).
If stress is desiring that things should be different than they are, it also becomes easy to identify core stress-inducing thoughts. Any belief which makes it seem like our present reality is incomplete in someway is likely to stress us out. The more unacceptable a thought makes our present reality, the more stress it induces. For example:
“I wish I was as _______ (wealthy, smart, confident, attractive) as ______.”
“My ______ (pain, sadness, anger) is unbearable.”
"I am going to _____ (make a mistake, feel embarrassed) and that is unacceptable.”
“I’m such a failure. Why can’t I just ______ (lose 10 lbs, eat right, drink less, etc)?”
“I’m never going to be _____ (smart, strong, wealthy) enough.”
These sorts of thoughts paint our present circumstances as extremely unacceptable, and are thus likely to induce a great deal of stress.
This simple definition of stress also gives us a simple solution for peace:
Thus, it makes good sense why modern science finds, over and over again, that two basic practices are the most effective stress-reduction strategies: Mindfulness and Gratitude. Each of these helps us accept and even desire our present reality.
Mindfulness teaches us how to observe our present thoughts, feelings, & bodily sensations with compassion. Mindfulness is simply the practice of paying attention, on purpose and without judgment, to our present experience over, and over, and over again. It helps us to recognize the constant comparison game our minds play, the stories we get caught up in, and how to, over and over, come back to the present exactly as it is. That we are complete, exactly as we are. That there is nothing we need to do, no place to go, no special way we must be in this moment. That everything is exactly as it should be. No surprise then that mindfulness seems to be more effective than “relaxation training” and many other stress-reduction strategies.
Gratitude takes this acceptance to the next level. Real gratitude—not forced as in “say thanks to your aunt for the Christmas socks” but genuine as in “I’m so thankful for the warmth of the sun or this cup of coffee,” makes us not only accept things as they are, but celebrate them. It finds joy in the present, which signifies to our body that things are exactly as they should be. It helps move us away from opining for some imagined future and toward feeling thankful for what is. No wonder some research has suggested that practicing gratitude may be as effective as psychotherapy for stress-related conditions.
So, if ever you are feeling stressed, note that there is a simple cause and therefore a simple solution. The more we can take a step back to recognize this cause: desiring, the more natural and practiced acceptance can become as an alternative. And ultimately the more peace becomes something that we cannot pursue but that is already freely available to us.