STACY KO | PhD

NOTE: Dr. Ko is currently not accepting new clients at this time. If you would like to be contacted when this changes, please email drko@couplesandself.com. Thank you for understanding!

My Approach

Welcome! Thank you for taking the time to explore whether I would be a good fit for you and your needs. The health of our most intimate relationships is key to our well-being, and yet, we often find that our most important relationships also bring us immense pain and suffering.

I am a practitioner of Emotionally-Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), a highly researched treatment for couple therapy in which 90% of couples significantly improve their relationship, and 70-75% of couples no longer fit criteria for relationship distress following treatment.

EFT is based on attachment theory, which posits that all human beings have an innate, hardwired need for secure, loving attachment bonds with a significant other. This need follows us from the cradle to the grave, and is transferred from our primary caregivers when we are young to our intimate partners as we become adults.

This attachment bond is no joke: it is akin to our need for oxygen in the air we breathe. We literally need it to survive. It is so important, in fact, that when we sense a threat to our connection, our fight or flight response is automatically activated in our brain and we instinctively move into a protective stance to protest the loss of connection with our partner.

This protest can look like criticizing, demanding, accusing, or yelling on the one hand , or shutting down, numbing out, getting defensive, or pulling away on the other. While these protective “moves” make so much sense in the context of our attachment distress, they unfortunately betray our cause and do not allow us to receive the comfort we so long for from our partner. The real beauty of couple therapy is slowly unearthing the softer, more vulnerable attachment-based fears underlying our protection that are much harder to talk about, such as our fears of rejection, abandonment, inadequacy, or failure. When couples can talk about their pain from a place of vulnerability rather than reactivity, we find that the negative cycle or “dance” they find themselves stuck in transforms into one that promotes love, safety, and secure connection.

I will challenge you to dig deep into tough places and uncomfortable feelings while firmly remaining your ally and supporting you through this process. I am not a “fixer” of relationships, but a fellow human being journeying alongside you as we navigate this immensely complex world of relationships together. It would be my absolute privilege to work with you!

PROFESSIONAL

I am a licensed psychologist in San Diego, CA and maintain active licenses to practice in both California (PSY32934) and Iowa (113234). I received my Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Iowa State University in 2020 and completed my APA-accredited predoctoral internship at VA Los Angeles Ambulatory Care Center. Additionally, I completed a postdoctoral residency at VA San Diego Healthcare System, where I received specialized training in providing evidence-based couple therapy to Veterans and their partners. I also earned a Master of Social Work from UCLA, as well as a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Communication Studies from UCLA. Most recently, I completed my Externship and Core Skills training in Emotionally-Focused Couple Therapy (EFT) through the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT). I continue to hone my craft as I work toward becoming a Certified EFT Therapist with ICEEFT via advanced training and supervision.

PERSONAL

When I am not in the office, I love spending time with my two dogs at the beach or on walks while listening to a good podcast. I also love exploring new restaurants in San Diego with friends and family, exercising, watching true crime documentaries and reality television, cooking and baking, and nerding out on my EFT studies!

CONTACT

Please do not hesitate to contact me at drko@couplesandself.com or 619-717-6699. I look forward to connecting with you!